


Have You Ever Been In Love?

by nothingisreal



Series: Have You Ever...? [1]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 05:51:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7878976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingisreal/pseuds/nothingisreal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Knox is in love with Chris, nobody's ever questioned that. Well, unless you count Charlie Dalton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have You Ever Been In Love?

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language. No beta.

“She’s so beautiful,” Knox whispered into the darkness. The rock he was lying on was biting into his back painfully but he was too preoccupied to notice.

A flame flickered opposite him, where Charlie lit another cigarette. He was facing Knox, his back against the wall of the cave. “I know,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve heard you the first twenty times today.”

Knox sighed deeply and closed his eyes. It was really cold, late April weather only noticeable during the day, when the sun shone and the sky was clear. Charlie often said that it didn’t have any right to be this sunny and warm, when there was no Neil to brighten up the days. It was something all of the boys thought but just didn’t know how to put into words. Still, they were managing better than Todd, who only left his room for classes. He even had to be reminded to eat and shower.

Charlie broke the silence that had fallen upon them without Knox even realizing it. “Are you in love with her?”

Knox glanced over at him. It was a simple enough question but there was something in Charlie’s tone that just didn't seem right. Knox watched him crush the butt of his cigarette under his foot, his eyes fixed on the dirty ground. He seemed almost… shy? It made Knox do a double take, because if there was one thing that would never belong together with Charlie Dalton, it was shyness in any shape and form. He couldn’t be compared to any force, but only because he was one himself. There was nothing he wouldn’t do. He wouldn’t even stop and think before acting. And even when all he left behind was debris, he’d never regret it, never feel guilty for going after whatever it was he wanted, for trying to be happy.

Charlie cleared his throat and shifted uneasily and it made Knox realize that he had been staring.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “Of course I’m in love with her.”

It was obvious. It was like one of the facts of the universe that didn’t need explaining or mentioning because everybody knew it to be true anyway. Chris was beautiful and smart and charming… and Knox loved her more than anything in the whole world. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to make her his.

“How do you know?” Charlie asked. His eyes were burning with passion and determination usually seen only when he was going to do something he shouldn’t.

Knox stared at him blankly. “What do you mean?” He asked, furrowing his brows. He had no idea where Charlie was going with it and he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to find out.

“You know what I mean,” Charlie answered.

Knox blinked at him and then narrowed his eyes. He didn't like this conversation. But he _hated_ how he seemed unable to find an answer. It should be simple enough. But nothing he could think of would suffice to quench Charlie’s thirst for answers.

Knox heard an exasperated sigh and then Charlie flopped down onto his stomach next to him.

“Maybe you should just let her go,” he whispered, his tone shockingly soft. “She’s not the only girl in the world, you know. And she’s made it quite clear that she’s not interested.”

Knox shook his head determinedly. “No,” he said with more force than was strictly necessary. “She _is_ the only girl. She is for me. And she _will_ change her mind. You’ll see.”

He hated how it seemed like he was trying to convince himself more than Charlie.

Charlie bit his lip as if in deep thought. “I miss him. So much,” he admitted after several minutes.

Knox furrowed his brow at the sudden change of subject, but his chest flooded with relief and it stopped him from questioning the reason behind it.

“We all do,” he said, shrugging.

Charlie hummed noncommittally. He was playing with some small rock and biting his lip anxiously. Knox would’ve called it fidgeting if it wasn’t for the fact that Charlie Dalton didn’t fidget.

“I… I used to think I was in love with him,” Charlie whispered so quietly, Knox wasn’t sure if he’d heard him right. But the way Charlie was studying him carefully as if trying to gauge his reaction was enough to assure him that he had in fact said that.

“Yeah?” Was all he managed to get out, his brain still trying to process the new information.

“Yeah,” Charlie nodded. Knox noted that his shoulders relaxed a little, his muscles loosening up as if most of the tension had left him. “We kissed once. He was drunk out of his mind,” Charlie chuckled, a fond smile on his face. He was looking straight ahead but Knox could’ve bet that he was seeing nothing, too engrossed in memories.

“Were you?” Knox wasn’t sure why he wanted to  know but it seemed important.

Charlie shook his head, focusing back on Knox’s face. “Completely sober. I… It was good…”

Knox rose up to lean on his elbows and tilted his head. “But…?” He prompted, sensing that there was something Charlie wasn’t saying.

“But it made me realize that Neil… I loved him very much, you know that. It’s just… I wasn’t _in love_ with him.”

Knox raised his eyebrows. He was trying to make sense of all the emotions he was feeling but they blended into one another. All he knew was that his chest felt too tight and his heart was beating too quickly.

“Have you ever been in love?” Knox asked, his voice breaking on the last word.

Charlie looked at him closely and it felt as if he was trying to see into his brain, to know what Knox was thinking. Then he just shrugged before moving in quickly, his face much closer now. He gave Knox plenty of time (5 seconds, Charlie counted off in his head, painfully aware of how every single one of them seemed to last an eternity) to _do something_. But Knox seemed frozen to the spot, his eyes wide when he realized what was probably going to happen next.

Charlie took a deep breath and closed the small distance between them. Knox gasped when their lips met, surprised despite having expected it. Still, it was something different to think about it and actually do it. Charlie’s lips were soft and warm. He was gentle and much more cautious than Knox would’ve ever accused him of being, almost as if he was afraid.

“Charlie,” Knox whispered when they pulled away, just a couple of inches, and leaned his forehead against Charlie’s, his eyes closed. He knew Charlie was staring at him, he could practically _feel_ it, and it did weird things to his insides. He felt light and happy. Happier than he’d felt in months.

“Yeah. As a matter of fact, I still am” Charlie whispered and Knox’s breath caught in his throat when he realized what the implication of that was.

Knox opened his eyes, a smile spreading slowly on his face. “Charlie,” he repeated, his hands coming up to rest on the other boy’s shoulders. “Kiss me again?”

Charlie leaned in obediently and Knox thought that he’d be content to spend the rest of his life doing this. No girl… No one in the world could ever _begin_ to compare with the way Charlie made him feel with as much as a glance. Even if Knox had needed some help figuring it out, he was sure of it now. He was in love. And Charlie loved him just as much.


End file.
